what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
