I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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