If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
