So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize