Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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