A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
