when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
