just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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