I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
