her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
