Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
