Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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