my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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