There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
