...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
