I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
