After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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