yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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