Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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