I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
