How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
