"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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