Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
even my farts smell like vagina
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
