So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
