Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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