I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
