you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
