It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Randomize
