apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
