bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
