Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
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