Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
