Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
