aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
