Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
