Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
