Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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