is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
