i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
it hurts more in the daytime
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Randomize
