GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
