i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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