Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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