I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
