Where is the hickey?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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