We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
