Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
