Barsexuality is the new black.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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