forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize