Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize