Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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