Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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