too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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