Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
