what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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