awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
