Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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