but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
