until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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