I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
