You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
