just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
