Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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