We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
