ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
