I skipped work to stalk him.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
