this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
