You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
