It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
